Revealing My Celebrity Crush
First off, let me preface by making a deal with you. I won’t judge you for your celebrity crush if you promise not to judge me. You promise? Okay, I feel comfortable discussing this with you then :). This summer, I was asked by a group of ladies who my celebrity crush was. As I sat there for a minute, it occurred to me that as much as I hear that phrase I honestly don’t actually have a celebrity crush. The more I thought about the question, I confirmed to myself that I just don’t have one.
As I have thought on this subject I realized that I never made a conscious decision to not crush on a celebrity. It just naturally happened as a result of other conscious decisions in my life. I got married when I was 18 years old and as old as I thought I was at the time, I was dreadfully immature. I did numerous things that were not honoring to my husband and opened the door for distrust in our marriage.
As I grew up and realized how much my actions affect another very important human being in my life (my husband) and how my actions affected the dynamics of our marriage, with the Lord’s help I made decisions between myself and God. Come to think of it, whether good or bad, I didn’t even share these decisions with my husband. They just became the way I lived my life because I wanted complete transparency, respect, and honor within myself, with God, and toward my husband. I never wanted my husband to doubt his ability to trust me.
My first decision was that I would never act in a way that I would feel the need to lie about later. If I were asked about something I was doing or saying and I would want to lie about it to cover it up, I chose not to do it.
I also decided that I would never act in a way that I would be embarrassed of my husband witnessing. If I wouldn’t interact with another male in a certain way with my husband standing right there, then I wouldn’t act in that way with him if he weren’t there. I would imagine that even if it were impossible, if my husband were to magically appear anywhere I was at any given moment I would never be ashamed of what he would see.
I decided that if my actions with another male would cause me to feel guilty when I came before the Lord, it wasn’t worth it. My close relationship with God was more important than inappropriate actions with the opposite sex. In the same way, if my actions hindered my ability to look my husband directly in the eye with no fear of him knowing another part of me or made me feel shame for anything I had done no matter how small or secretive, I would not do it.
One area I have only more recently been completely open about is letting my husband know when I feel a man is attracted to me in his interactions with me. I believe that concealment gives power and I would rather weaken a potential threat than keep those things to myself. Years ago, a man about my age would come into my work every day and be very friendly to me. That was fine, until one day I realized that I thought he was being more than friendly to me. Then, he would make comments about how beautiful I was. I started feeling very uneasy about this but didn’t know how to handle it. I just started “hiding” every time I would see him come in. I avoided ever being around him and it did help, but I wish I would have handled it differently than just hiding. Worldly people sometimes need a more direct response than avoidance. The main thing is that I wish I would have told my husband about him and how much I wanted to honor him in this situation. I really think he would have appreciated knowing that I was trying so hard to respect our relationship and he could have offered me great advice on how I could have handled the situation. I know now to bring my husband into any situation I know is uncomfortable or not honoring to our relationship so that it doesn’t gain power through concealment.
Lastly, and this is finally the decision I made that I guess leads me to why I don’t have a celebrity crush. I made a decision many, many years ago that I would not allow my eyes to gaze longingly at another man or my heart to be enticed by another man. Yes, even in the movies or television. First off, I know that these young men get paid to make sure their bodies are perfect. I also know that as good as they may look, they may be a player, a jerk, or have innumerable other issues I wouldn’t want to touch with a 10 foot pole. When my husband is working long hours to provide for my family, why would I want to turn around and gawk at a man who works long hours on his body? If I am watching a movie and you can tell they are trying to have a “man candy” moment, I look away. If I am watching TV and I can tell they are trying to get a good shot of a man’s body for the ladies, I change the channel.
Even swooning after a celebrity is just silly to me. I know people put up images. Until you have been with someone for years, you really don’t know them. I’m not going to have my heart long after a façade that just makes me feel let down by my husband. I wouldn’t long after a guy I know personally because my heart is set on my husband so why would I long after a guy that lives in Hollywood? It’s just silly school girl stuff to me and I want something more than that.
A verse in Proverbs 31 sums up my heart’s desire for the kind of wife I want to be and have been committed to being even though it may not be popular in my culture:
Proverbs 31:11
The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely…
I know my faithfulness to my husband because I know my own heart. The Lord knows my innermost intentions and I pray that I am right in saying that I can hold my head up high when the Lord examines my private thoughts and actions. I decide every day that the choices I make will cause my husband to never question his place with me. He knows without a doubt that he can completely trust me, rely on me, and believe me no matter what.
I really don’t judge other women who have celebrity crushes; it may be an innocent fun thing they like to joke around about. My purpose in writing this is not to say they are bad. My purpose is for the other woman out there who lives in a world where the women they are around are talking about that hot scene with the hot guy in the movie they can’t wait to see and she really doesn’t care to see it at all. Or for the woman who hears the women she works with comment on this guy’s body or flirt freely with other men, and she really just wants to walk with integrity even when her husband is not around. If that’s you – you’re not weird, and you’re not the only one. You have a friend here whose heart is committed solely to her husband, too.
Nothing fuels passion in a marriage more than exclusivity – knowing that my spouse only has eyes for me. ~ Andy Stanley
Father God, You know my heart and You know that for many years now my heart’s desire has been for my husband to know that I honor him in every area of my life. You know that my heart’s desire is to be able to come before You with no shame of my private actions. Please help me to be stronger in this area. I live in a world where so many people make lusting after the opposite sex a norm and I don’t want to be the norm. I want an exceptional marriage and I am willing to live an exceptional lifestyle to get it. Please help me communicate well to my husband just how committed I am to him and please give me the wisdom to know how to honor him and You in each situation I find myself in.
Comments