All About Men!

In honor of my husband’s birthday this week, I thought it would be fun to jot down some things I have learned about men in marriage over the last few decades. Some things I have seen proven true in my own marriage and some I have seen proven true in others’ marriages. I hope as I reflect on these ideas I am refreshed in my thinking and interactions with my husband, and I hope they find their way to other women who will appreciate the tips, as well!

• Tone of Voice: One of the biggest things I have learned about men is that it’s not what you ask them, it’s how you ask them. Saying rudely, “Take out the trash already!” usually stiffens romance and creates barriers. Softly leaning in and saying, “Baby, would you mind taking out the trash?” goes so much further without any resulting resentment.

• Men love praise: Men in general like to be acknowledged for any hard work, small work, or accomplishment at all. If he did the dishes, say thank you and let him know how much it helped out. If he took the family out to dinner, in front of him ask the kids, “Wasn’t that so fun? I’m so glad Daddy decided to take us out!” If he hangs a picture, for days comment on how perfectly it is hung. This takes minimal effort but builds up my husband immensely.

• Don’t criticize decision making: I have seen men resort to making no decisions for the family because every time they do, they are criticized by their wife. Asking my husband for advice or direction on even small issues lets him know that I value his opinion and decision making skills.

• Exercise regularly and take care of your appearance: My husband has made a good point that it seems every time we see a couple get a divorce, within 6 months the wife has had a total transformation. Her hair is stylish, her clothes are stylish, and she’s in better shape than ever before. Why didn’t she do that while she was married? Why not give our husband the gift of a healthy wife? Don’t feel guilty for spending money on your appearance or time on your fitness, think of it as an investment into the health of your marriage.

• Reach out and touch your husband: This is on here because yes, I have to purpose to touch my husband. I did not grow up in a physically intimate family, so I have to purpose to rub my husband’s arm, or take his hand, or even hug him! Men want to feel wanted and we don’t have to feel like doing it to make an effort to touch him.

• Don’t try to make your husband have a relationship with God: By all means, pray for your husband! By all means, talk about spiritual things with your husband! But instead of preaching to him, ask him what he has learned recently in the Bible and genuinely listen. Don’t degrade him for the relationship that he doesn’t have with the Lord or he will never feel the freedom and security to seek it out on his own.

• Don’t make fun of him to others: Laughing about fun, silly stuff is one thing. Tearing him down to the people around you is another thing. My husband never does the dishes. Or, you should have seen how my husband didn’t even know how to fix the garage door. You are tearing apart your own family every time you say something to this effect.

• Find quiet moments to softly tell your husband a need: Yelling at him in the middle of anger never accomplishes anything. Find a quiet moment, like when the kids are in bed and the two of you are getting ready for bed. Without attacking, keep it simple and state your feelings.

• Live your life in a way that you would never be embarrassed for your husband to see how you are acting when he is not with you.

• Keep dress modest in public and very un-modest in the bedroom!

Thank You, God, for showing me how to best interact with my husband. I don’t have it all down, but I am willing to learn new things. Please help me to make my husband feel appreciated, respected, and loved in our marriage. Please show me new areas that I can do better in.

#marriage