Forgiveness

Growing up, I really don’t remember having to apologize to others when I hurt them or made a poor choice. Maybe teachers did have me say I was sorry at some point, but I honestly don’t ever remember doing it. You would think that I would remember saying I was sorry in my teens, but I really don’t remember apologizing being something we did in my family. When we hurt each other, we were silent for a time and would then just start talking again like nothing ever happened. I don’t believe that I was ever taught how to apologize.

Upon having children, I realized that I needed to give them a gift that I never received - The gift of knowing how to apologize to someone. The Bible talks about humility in prayer. Admitting that we need forgiveness and that we have done wrong. I have worked with many children over the years. Inevitably, when you tell them to apologize to someone, they look to the side and mumble a pathetic sorry. I made a decision early on that this is not how we were going to apologize in my house.

For example, if my seven year old called my 3 year old a baby in a mean way, this is how he has been taught to apologize.

• We look the person we are apologizing to in the eyes.

• We use the person’s name we are addressing.

• We say we are sorry for what we specifically did wrong: I’m sorry for calling you a baby.

• We pray together and ask God for forgiveness for our sin.

How can we expect our kids to have a humble attitude toward needing forgiveness when they mess up if we really don’t understand it? I read Psalm 51 today, and saw that it was a prayer from David after he had sinned with Bathsheba. I believe it outlines beautifully for us how we can pray and how we can teach our children to pray when we sin.

Psalm 51:3-4

For I am conscious of my transgressions and I acknowledge them; my sin is ever before me.

Against You, You only, have I sinned and done that which is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified in Your sentence and faultless in Your judgment.

David acknowledges that he sinned and humbly comes to God.

Psalm 51:10

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right, persevering, and steadfast spirit within me.

He asks God to wash him clean and help renew him to live strongly for the Lord from this point on.

Psalm 51:16-17

For You delight not in sacrifice, or else would I give it; You find no pleasure in burnt offering.

My sacrifice [the sacrifice acceptable] to God is a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart [broken down with sorrow for sin and humbly and thoroughly penitent], such, O God, You will not despise.

God does not want something physical to make up for our sin. Praying more, going to church more, giving more money, these do not make us in right standing with God. He desires a broken spirit and heart. A heart that is humbly and completely sorrowful for the sin that was committed. When we sin, we should humbly come before God and ask for forgiveness. When our children sin, we need to teach them how to tell God they are sorry and ask for His forgiveness. Then bring restoration to their relationship with Him.

I am sincere in my apologies to others when I hurt them and in my apologies to God when I do wrong. I don’t run away from God when I sin. I run to Him and become reconciled with Him by His forgiveness.

Here is an example prayer that I sit down with my children and have them repeat after me when they have done wrong:

Father God, I am sorry for sinning against You. I was wrong for talking rudely to my mother. I know Your Word tells me to honor my mother and I’m sorry for not doing that. Please forgive me. I know that You do. Please help me to treat her with honor next time. I love You. Amen.

#apologies