Hidden Love

Our different personalities and histories make our relationship with our spouse pretty interesting. Especially when it comes to arguing and conflicts. Many marriages have the dynamic where one spouse in particular really likes to let the other one know when something is bothering him or her. This spouse can probably say some pretty mean things and cut their partner to the core. This spouse may tend to blow up when they get angry, and give some pretty good blows.

The other spouse may not usually react like this when they are hurt. They may hardly ever say really mean things, and may never totally explode on their spouse. This spouse seems a little more kind during times of conflict. On the surface, this may be true. But check out Proverbs 27:5:

Open rebuke is better than love that is hidden.

Because we may not be telling someone off, we think that we are handling ourselves better than someone else. However, Wisdom tells us that telling someone off is actually better than taking the love you have for your spouse and hiding it from them.

Our spouse hurts us, we get angry, but we want to keep the peace. So we take the love we truly do have for our spouse deep down and we hide it under our hurt. The result is that our love for our spouse is then concealed from them. We don’t offer acts of affection like we normally would. We don’t offer acts of service like we normally do. We don’t express words of encouragement like we should. All of those acts of love we are keeping hidden from our spouse.

Maybe it is a form of punishment to them. Maybe we think it is a peaceful solution. But I’m realizing through the Word of God, that it is no solution at all. It is hurtful. It is destructive. It is cruel.

The next time I think I’m handling a situation better than my spouse because I am not going off on him, I pray I am reminded of this verse.

1 Peter 4:8

Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins [forgives and disregards the offenses of others].

When I hide my love from my spouse, it is because I have not forgiven the offenses that hurt me. Intense love, God’s kind of love, disregards the hurt that was given to me and is able to show acts of love in spite of those hurts.

Father God, I am so sorry for when I have hidden my love from my spouse and kept it from him. It’s not right to keep my love hidden away deep inside where my husband can’t find it. It should be obvious to him. I am not solving anything keeping it hidden away, and I am not better than anyone because I don’t yell when I get angry. Please help me to love intensely like You do. I have sinned against You so many times and You still show me how much You love me every day. Please help me to express my love to husband even when it’s hard or painful as an act of worship to You and as an act of faith for all that I know You can do in our lives.

#marriage #conflict