The Myth of the More Virtuous Woman

Since becoming a wife and a mother, I have done everything from working full time, to working part time, to staying home completely. I feel like I can empathize with a woman found in every situation. It seems that our church world in a way looks at a stay at home mom as a godlier role for a woman in a family. Its perception is that if a woman really wants to honor her husband and her family, she will stay at home and devote her life to working hard at home all day long.

I truly believe that it is a noble thing to stay home with your family. Especially if you feel God has called you to that. Especially if you have young children at home that would make it difficult to work outside of the home. However, it occurred to me one day that I don’t think that this is necessarily what God is calling all women to do to be better wives and moms.

Proverbs 31 is a hallmark in the Bible of what a virtuous woman is supposed to look like. Christian women everywhere think of Proverbs 31 when they think of an awesome God chick. So, let’s see what Proverbs 31 says specifically concerning the areas of staying at home and working:

v. 13, 14

She seeks out wool and flax and works with willing hands

She is like the merchant ships loaded with foodstuffs; she brings her household’s food from a far [country].

So, we see she provides clothing for her family and oversees the food planning.

v. 15

She rises while it is yet night and gets [spiritual] food for her household and assigns her maids their tasks.

She seeks God first and foremost in her day and shares with her family what she is learning. She also has help from other women! These women have tasks that she gave them to do. Maybe this was helping her with her children. Maybe this was cleaning. Whatever the case may be, she is wise because she has help!

v. 16, 18

She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard.

She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night.

I’m sorry but this sounds like a business woman to me. She is making decisions on buying property and making money off of her investments.

v. 19

She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

Again, she is loving new clothes. So glad a virtuous woman gets to be interested in fashion :-).

v. 20

She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy [whether in body, mind, or spirit].

This is so important. Sometimes we think we are so godly because we invest so much in our families. Well maybe all the attention we give our kids can kind of make them selfish. This woman allots time to seek out the needs of the poor and actively finds ways to meet those needs. I bet she gets her kids involved in giving to the poor, as well :-).

v. 22

She makes for herself coverlets, cushions, and rugs of tapestry. Her clothing is of linen, pure and fine, and of purple.

I love the Bible! A virtuous woman creates a home with beautiful things in it for her family and guests to enjoy. And…. she wears beautiful clothes!

v. 24

She makes fine linen garments and leads others to buy them; she delivers to the merchants girdles.

Here, it appears again. She finds a way to put her hand to something to profit financially. She is gifted in sewing and is able to make a profit from that.

v. 27

She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.

Here is where the Bible talks about her working hard at home, as well. She is not lazy at home and she is busy tending to her home.

I see in this famous chapter that a virtuous woman is a shrewd business woman, who also cares for her home, and she has help doing it! Plus, she loves clothes ;-). There is nothing godlier about a woman who stays home all day than a woman who works. It is all about balance and listening to what God is showing you is good for your family at this season in your life.

If we are working, we need to make sure we have support and that we are not neglecting the needs of our home. If we are staying at home, we need to make sure that we are not raising self-focused kids. We need to find ways to be a blessing to our community and possibly find ways to contribute to our home financially. Whether we stay at home or work, we know that a virtuous woman seeks God first and shares her spiritual food with everyone in her home!

Father God, thank You for the truth in Your Word that helps me see past stereotypes. Please help me be sensitive to what You are showing me to do for our family right now. Please help me find ways to bless those outside of our family, as well.